context is key

I finally figured out how to actually *feel* self-compassionate

I have made some several questionable choices in my life and, as much as I hate to admit it, I have also made a very many lot of mistakes. I am also extremely hard on myself. But, after many years of therapy, self inquiry and a deep desire to do things differently, I was recently able to truly, viscerally feel self-compassion toward the parts of me that I typically criticize and feel a lot of shame toward (it feels really good).

I understand the intellectual idea behind self compassion, but wince when people say, “You were making what you thought was the best choice at the time,” or, “You did the best you could with the information you had.” Let’s be honest, that’s not always the case, is it? Sometimes I made the worst choice because fuck it or I dissociated from the information gathering process because ugh who cares.

But what about the other times where I thought I was making a good choice and I was wrong? Like after my last break up, when I would lie motionless for hours staring at the ceiling, soaking my pillow with tears.